by David J. Pigott, Esq.
Twas the night before Christmas, when the elves thought it’d be cute
To hit dear old Santa with a labor dispute.
It seems old Saint Nick had a duty of care,
And the elves all agreed, their pay was unfair.
Santa’s lawyers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of slip-and-falls danced in their heads.
Audie was resting ‘neith his dim reading lamp,
Sheryl finally put down her new notary stamp.
When out of my phone there arose such a clatter,
I ran to my desk! We had a new matter!
My hand grabbed the receiver to see who it was,
Maybe a client got nabbed by the fuzz.
The voice on the line was panicked and quick
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
“Hampton & Pigott,” I said with a smile,
As I looked all around for my Kris Cringle file.
“Dave, I need help!” Santa said in a rage,
“My elves are demanding the minimum wage!”
“That Yukon Cornelius, the miner plays dirty!”
“He told them about Colorado’s Wage Order Thirty!”
I took a deep breath, and I let out a sigh
I knew what to say to this magical guy:
“Come the first of the year, you won’t have the power
To pay those elves less than eight dollars an hour.”
“There are a few other things you may want to know
Before you hang up and head out in the snow.”
“There’s a good chance you’ll end up in Court,
If you fire an elf over a credit report.”
“I’m sure all your workers have facebook and linkedin.”
I paused for a moment to let that sink in.
“If you demand access to old Rudolph’s wall
He can lodge a complaint with your own city hall.”
I sat back in my chair, and I waited to hear
What my jolly friend thought of the laws passed this year.
“You know what, Dave,” he said with a laugh,
“I know what I’ll do. I’ll talk to my staff.”
“My elves are good workers, my reindeer are too.”
“I think it’s time we had a policy review.”
“I’ll give them a raise, and cut them some slack.”
“I want a strong team and my workshop on track.”
Santa hung up the phone and turned to his elves:
“You’ll get your raise, now get these toys off the shelves!”
They all got to work and loaded the sleigh
As Santa got ready for a great Christmas Day.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
The elves heard him exclaim, as he adjusted his hat…
Merry Christmas to lawyers… or something like that.